


im so sorry

by atootinbaby



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, POV Alternating, Pain, Supercorp endgame, kara says sorry, s05e19 Immortal Kombat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atootinbaby/pseuds/atootinbaby
Summary: Kara says sorry too.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 17
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wrote my own finale of supercorp season 5 *snickers* because the og finale wasnt it for me
> 
> NOTE!!: this has some talk about trauma and emotional abuse. it's vague i think, but if that triggers you, please do not proceed. it's not worth it. please go read some supercorp fluff fics :)

“In the last world, she betrayed us,” she says, arms crossed when the superhero stands by her side, both watching as mother and daughter embrace each other in happiness. She shakes her head. “I may never know what was driving her, but…” she nods her head slowly, “I do know what was driving you,” she looks at the Super.

“You didn’t want to tell me who you really were because you didn’t want me to get hurt,” she continues. She knew. Of course she did. That was the first thing Kara said at the Pulitzer party when she finally revealed her secret identity, among other things and reasons on why she did, why she kept her secret so long. And she said it again when they had that little…discussion earlier. The superhero inhales visibly and looks down. “But I did get hurt. I did what I always do when people hurt me. I…I built a wall and I suffocated behind it. Makes it very difficult to see things from other people’s point of view.”

“But I see yours now.” She does. She sort of knew deep down why Kara did it, but she couldn’t see past her hurt and the feeling of betrayal because she told her multiple times exactly what broke her, and Kara managed to break her even more. She was so hurt that she acted through it, and didn’t even think to stop and try to see it from Kara's perspective. “And I am very sorry it took me so long.”

When the Lex in the other world wasted his dying breath by telling her her best friend was Supergirl, she only felt anger and sadness and pain. She saw red. That night she made it her goal to find a way for people not to feel the same pain she was feeling, but she also made sure to find a way to hurt her best friend back.

“You know, when you showed up at my door this morning, I- I didn’t wanna let you in,” confesses Kara. Of course she didn’t. She did some horrible stuff, she knows that, and she regrets it. “And I kept waiting for you to let me down,” the blonde shrugs and exhales. “But at every turn, you came through.” For a second, their eyes meet. “Building that suit. Protecting my identities, supporting me… I wasn’t ready to accept your apology, but maybe… _maybe_ I am now,” she smiles.

Lena lets out a small chuckle. She didn’t miss Kara’s high-pitched ‘maybe’. Her voice was playful, and when she smiled at her, she felt her heart clench in happiness. She’s so glad that they’re talking now, trying to work things out. Maybe it’ll take some time to get back to where they were before - the lunch dates, game nights - but right now, she’s just so happy to see Kara smile at her.

“Okay,” she managed to to say shakily. “What now?”

“Well, there’s still one bad guy left to catch.”

“Let’s go take my brother down,” she holds her hand out.

Kara smiles at her before clasping her hand.

“...Do you wanna grab some food first?”

Lena laughs in delight. She can’t believe that even in a situation like this, Kara is thinking about food.

* * *

“Well, at least now I know why you have a stomach of at least thirty people.”

After eating her one serving of pasta and watching Kara eat a ridiculous amount of different kinds of food, they decided to take a walk in the park. The park is empty except for them. Everyone else is probably too afraid to go out with everything that’s been happening lately. The night is cold and quiet, no danger in sight. As of now, they’re safe. Kara is safe. Leviathan is gone and Lex isn’t making his move yet.

God, she couldn’t stop thinking about how Lex manipulated her again. She couldn’t believe how blind she was to what Lex was planning. This whole time, she really thought he was helping her. Non Nocere was supposed to help people, save humanity from themselves. She should’ve known Lex had other plans.

He was a monster. She just wanted to help people. But him, _god_ , he wanted to control people, be humanity’s _savior_. He really thought that if he helped her, she’d be like him? No. She’s not like him. She will never be like him. She may be a Luthor, but she won’t ever be like her family.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped in surprise when she felt a hand on her shoulder, it went as fast as it came, a worried voice following it.

“Lena? Are you okay?”

She stops walking, putting a hand on her chest in relief. She forgot she was with Kara. She takes a deep breath.

“Yeah,” she breathes out.

“Are you sure? Your heartbeat has elevated and your breathing is shallow,” says Kara, a concern look on her face.

“Yeah, no. It’s, uh, it’s nothing. Just thinking,” she starts walking until she feels a hand on her shoulder again. She jumps away from Kara… _again._

“Lena, are you okay? Did Lex do something to you?”

“What?” Why is Lex in this conversation?

“You keep flinching,” Kara points out. “I barely touched your shoulder twice and you keep jumping away like you’re afraid that I’m going to hurt you.”

“Ah.” Lena sees a nearby bench. She walks over to it and sits down, Kara sitting beside her. She could feel her eyes on her. “No,” she shakes her head. “If you’re asking if he hit me, then no. He didn’t.”

“But he did do something,” Kara whispers.

She meets Kara eyes and all she can see is concern. Just before today, whenever she sees or talks to Kara, Kara has never looked at her like that. In the last couple of months, Kara has always looked at her with such anger and spite. It’s been hard, but she’s always moved past it, putting her feelings in little boxes and telling herself to focus on her project. But right now, she’s having trouble finding those boxes when she has nothing else to focus on but Kara beside her.

“Lena, what did he do to you?”

“It’s Lex, Kara. He’s always doing something,” she deflects.

“Lena-”

“Let’s just go, Kara,” she stands up and puts her hands in her coat. “It’s late and you’ve had quite a day. You should rest.”

She starts to walk away when Kara grabbed her hand.

“Lena-”

She retrieves her hand.

“Kara, just drop it.”

“Lena, what did he do to you?” Kara prods.

“Kara, just-”

“Lena, what did he-”

“Fine!” she raises her hands in the air. “You want to know what he did?” she asked, her tone rising. “He yelled at me and basically told me that I was a failure, that he knew my little project was going to fail. He told me that I needed to see it with my own eyes to know that all the work I’ve been doing was nothing but a waste of time. He manipulated me into helping him and I didn’t see it! I thought he changed, but he never does,” she laughs humorlessly. “Non Nocere was supposed to help people. It was supposed to help people be free of anger and violence and pain.”

Kara takes a step towards her, but Lena takes a step back. Kara raises her hands in surrender.

“Lena,” says Kara slowly. “I know you want to help people, but you can’t help them by controlling them-”

“I wasn’t trying to control people, can’t you see that?! You’re mistaking me for my brother and I’m _not_ my brother! He’s the one who wants to control people, bend them to his will, not me! I’m not the villain! I’m not like him! I’m not a monster!”

* * *

Kara drops her hands. She didn’t know. She didn’t-

How long has Lena been feeling this way? She knew she told her she’d treat her like a villain, but she didn’t mean…

Did she make her think she was a monster?

* * *

Lena’s breathing is ragged. She’s trying to calm herself down, trying to get her feelings in control, but her mind seems to be disobeying. She feels like it’s running a hundred miles per hour.

_I was only trying to help. I’m not a villain. I’m not a monster. I’m not Lex._

“Lena.”

_I was just trying to help. I’m not a villain. I’m- I was only trying to help. I’m not- I’m not-_

“Lena.”

_I’m not Lex. I’m not a monster. I’m- I’m not- a monster. A monster. A villain. I’m not- a failure. I’m not. I’m not. I’m- I’m a-_

“Lena!”

* * *

Kara runs towards her, shaking her, trying to get her to look at her. Lena has her eyes shut closed and she’s clenching her hands. She’s said Lena’s name a few times, but she won’t open her eyes.

She’s murmuring phrases and words over and over again.

_I was only trying to help._

_I’m not a villain._

_I’m not Lex._

_I’m not a monster._

_A failure._

“Lena!”

She didn’t mean to raise her voice, but it looks like Lena is having an attack. _She couldn’t hear me._

* * *

She snaps out of her trance, jumping when she hears a loud, panicked voice. She’s vaguely aware of Kara in front of her and her arms around her. She looks up and steps out of them.

She’s embarrassed. _God, this is why I have those little boxes._ It’s been years since she had an attack, and she’s not exactly sure what caused it this time. She’s usually composed and collected.

“Lena, I’m so sorry,” says Kara. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t let me down, I did. I’m sorry I called you and treated you like a villain. I didn’t mean to. I was just so angry at myself that I messed this up. I was so hurt and I know I didn’t have the right to feel that way because I was the one who hurt you, but I missed you so much.”

“I hurt you more than you did me,” she continues. “With your past, I shouldn’t have kept my secret for so long. You trusted me and I let you down. I can’t go back and change the past. Trust me, I tried.” _What?_

“I’m sorry I gave up on you. Rao, I shouldn’t have. I always knew you were good, I-” her voice cracks. Lena looks up and behind those glasses that fooled her for years, she sees her crying. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I- Please forgive me. I didn’t- I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry.”

It hurts Lena to see her like this. Kara looks so sad and broken, and it looks like she’s about _this_ close to kneeling down and begging her for forgiveness. And so she slowly walks toward her and hugs her.

Kara hugs her back so fast it almost knocked her off her feet. Kara’s face is in the crook of her neck and she’s sobbing, letting out little hiccups in between. She’s hugging her so tight that she could barely breathe but she couldn’t care less at the moment.

“I missed you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m so sorry, Lena. I-” Kara hiccups. “I’m so-”

“Hey, hey,” Lena rubs Kara’s back, “it’s okay. I’m okay, see?” She pulls back to look at Kara, to let her see that she’s all in one piece, that she’s okay.

The sight of the blonde is utterly heartbreaking. Her eyes are red and her cheeks are stained with dried tears. She’s looking at Lena’s face, inspecting it, looking for any signs of red, black, or blue. When blue eyes meets green, all Lena wants to do is hug her until she feels better, or maybe buy her all of her favorite foods, anything to see her smile again.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” she smiles.

“I- will you come with me?” Kara asks uncertainly.

“Oh! Uh-” Lena was surprised by Kara’s question but from the look on the blonde’s face, she couldn’t say no. She smiles and says ‘sure’.

The second Lena said the word, Kara pulls her to an empty alley and looks around before she carries Lena bridal style. They fly back to Kara’s apartment, going in through her window and carefully putting Lena back down on her feet. Lena watches as Kara grabs herself a glass of water. The blonde’s back is to her and from the way her shoulder’s are moving tells Lena that she’s taking deep breaths, probably still trying to calm herself down.

“Are you okay?” Lena asks quietly, getting quite worried now.

“Yeah. I-” Kara turns around and looks at her. “Would you like a glass of water? Orange juice?”

“Do you have any wine?”

“I- yes. I think I do.” Lena watches as Kara starts rummaging through her cupboards looking for a bottle of wine. Once she finds it, she grabs two wineglasses and starts walking to her couch before settling on it, pouring red liquid in both glasses. Lena follows suit, sitting down on the couch and making sure to leave a few feet of space between them. The blonde hands her a glass.

“Can’t you get drunk?” Lena asks as Kara downs the glass of wine.

“No, I cannot,” Kara replies the second she finishes her wine before adding more.

“Look, Kara. I-”

“Lena, let me just-” Kara cuts her off. “Look. I’m sorry for keeping my secret identity from you. It’s not like I didn’t- that I don’t trust you, you know? I was trying to protect you. Like the way J’onn was injured today, I didn’t want you to get hurt. If you get involve with me, you’d get hurt. They’ll use you to get to me and you’ll get hurt. Rao, you have no idea how many times I’ve almost lost Alex,” she slumps back against the couch, tilting her head back as she closed her eyes.

“The people I care about got hurt because of me, and I can’t let that happen to you,” she continues, tilting her head to the side, facing Lena. The raven haired woman sighs.

“I get you, Kara. I do. But everyone already knows we know each other. That Supergirl and I know each other. If you wanted to protect me, you should’ve told me not hide it from me and hurt me.”

They lock eyes, both trying to communicate with their thoughts. Sadly, none of them are mind readers.

“I’m sorry I called you and treated you like a villain,” said Kara after a moment. “But please understand where I’m getting at. You stayed friends with me to use me, manipulate me. You made me steal for you. You stole from me. You were working with Lex-”

“I know, I know,” Lena runs her hand through her hair, sighing frustratingly. “I know what I’ve done and I’m not proud of it. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have done that. I should’ve talked to you and try to see it from your point of view, but I was so hurt and I felt like you betrayed me. I told you about my past and my family, and you just-” she looks at Kara in the eye, “you broke my heart, Kara.”

“Lena-”

“You humiliated me. You made me look like I was a fool. Honestly, I’m smart and brilliant. For god’s sake, I have two doctorates. I can’t believe I got fooled by a pair of glasses,” she chuckles. “I’m sorry.”

She really is. She regrets everything. By staying away from Kara and the others, she felt like she was hurting herself more than Kara did. She was just so angry and hurt that she put her feelings aside and focused on her project. But that was a lie. She didn’t put her feelings aside. She was working through it. The anger and pain, that fueled her. But after finding out that Non Nocere failed, that it didn’t work- that it never worked, and after Lex, she’s just so tired.

Kara set aside her glass of wine before grabbing Lena’s and placing it beside hers. She scoots closer to her, tucking strands of hair behind her ear. “Hey,” she says. “I forgive you. And I hope you forgive me too.”

Lena didn’t realize the breath she was holding until Kara said those words and she let out a long breath. She wasn’t really asking for Kara’s forgiveness, but she won’t lie and say she doesn’t feel better now to know that Kara has forgiven her.

“I…” She’s not sure she wants to, but she has to. For herself. “I forgive you too, Kara.”

She smiles uncertainly at Kara to which the blonde did the same.

“But” Lena sighs, “trusting is a harder fight.” She looks into Kara’s eyes to see the sadness swimming in them. But she nodded.

“Yes. Of course,” Kara pulls back. “I understand.”

“There can be no more secrets between us, Kara. Please.”

The Super smiles, although a little too forced, but nods her head. “Understood.”

What Lena doesn’t know is how there’s still one more secret Kara has hidden away from her. Something a little more personal and emotional. Something that might make or break them all over again…


End file.
